My stupid goddamn foot

Ever wake up in the morning stand up and then fall the floor in crippling pain for no obvious reason?

I woke up Friday morning on my couch, like I usually do. As soon as I woke up I knew something didn't feel right. My right ankle was a little stiff and it was uncomfortable to do anything with my right foot. I figured that I just needed to stretch it out a bit and that walking would solve all my problems. This was the biggest mistake I would make all day.

Just after I made the decision to get up and get out for a walk I stood up. When the weight hit my right foot I fell over and immediately screamed a very loud curse word. So there I am, lying on the floor in unspeakable amounts of pain. When I finally got myself back to the couch I took my sock off to take a look at what was going on with my foot. My foot was swollen on the bottom and on the outside of it but there was no brusing.

Since I've told people about this I have kept hearing the same question over and over again, "well, what did you do to it? Did you fall down drunk and hurt yourself?" Every time I have answered "is this really what you people think of me? Am I a constant drunk who just falls over and hurts himself all the time?" Well, I am not a drunk who falls over and hurts himself. In fact I have yet to have an alcoholic beverage yet this week.

Apparently if you get drunk at a few parties and fall over (and maybe vomit) you will forever be known as a guy who does things like that all the time.

So back to Friday.

So now I'm on the couch and I know that I'm in trouble. I have no food in my place, nothing to drink, and I can't walk. Naturally I did what any smart person would do in this situation, I took a gigantic nap.

When I came to again I was getting hungry. I knew I didn't have anything to eat or drink and that I didn't have any money on me. This left me with one option: Pizza Pizza. If Pizza Pizza didn't take debit as a payment option I would have been screwed royally. So I ordered some food and drinks.

30 Minutes Later:

Alright, the food is here. There's a knock on my door. So, now how do I get to the food? I try and stand up. Sharp pain in my right foot again! I fall back to the couch. Well, only one way to do this. Hop on your left foot all the way to the door to get it!

Eventually I get to the door, out of breath and left leg hurting from all the hopping. I open the door looking like a gigantic idiot. There my lunch and dinner awaits. I pay the man with my debit card while standing on one leg. After he hands the food to me and now I have to turn around without using my right foot. I notice this will take far too much of an effort and did the only other thing possible, I hopped backwards to the couch.

I knew at this point that my friday night was done. "Congrats, you big moron. You hurt your foot on a Friday night and now you're stuck in your crappy apartment with no cable and an unreliable internet connection. You are one of life's winners" was all I could hear in my head. No one was gonna come over here on short notice and entertain the gimp. I was stuck on the couch and my night was just gonna be movies.

Eventually I passed out with the knowledge that I would wake up today, Saturday, with my foot fine and the hope that a new day would be much better than the last.

Well, this morning I woke up on the couch stood up and fell over cursing in pain again. Goddamnit.